


Safe with you

by Girl_who_talks_with_trees



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Apocalypse, Blood and Injury, M/M, Post-Concussion Syndrome, Sad, Sick Character, Steve Harrington-centric, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-10-03 17:24:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17288276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_who_talks_with_trees/pseuds/Girl_who_talks_with_trees
Summary: Suddenly a figure came in, Steve had just the time to stand up, without passing out from the concussion, to be face to face with a really scared Billy Hargrove. The boy was panting hard and his clothes were torn on the sleeves. All the kids jumped up scared for the appearance, Steve put himself between them and Hargrove in a protective way.“Out there ! …..There are……There are…… Monsters ! Real Monsters !” Billy was shouting and taking big breaths between the words.The young company paled in an instant.





	1. Hawking

When Steve and the kids arrived back at the Byers house, they expected to find Joyce and Will or somebody already back. The house was empty. Nobody had made it back before them, even if the drive from the pumpkin patch had been long because Steve had forbidden Max to drive the car again. He had drove even if his head was spinning and his vision was blurry, it had took them fifteen minutes more than normal. 

Billy was nowhere to be seen. Steve didn’t know what he would have done if he had found the boy still there, on the floor of Mrs Byers’s kitchen. The kids were loud as ever, talking about how they defeated all that bunch of demodogs and how the tunnels had tried to trap them all in. 

Steve seated on the couch too tired to stand. They waited for almost forty-five minutes, but nobody had shown at the door. Mike was visibly growing anxious every passing minute. Max was curled up with Lucas on the couch near Steve and Dustin, which seemed the only one with enough energy to speak out loud. But Steve knew better, the kid needed to fill the silence because he was afraid of it. 

Suddenly a figure came in, Steve had just the time to stand up, without passing out from the concussion, to be face to face with a really scared Billy Hargrove. The boy was panting hard and his clothes were torn on the sleeves. All the kids jumped up scared for the appearance, Steve put himself between them and Hargrove in a protective way.

“Out there ! …..There are……There are…… Monsters ! Real Monsters !” Billy was shouting and taking big breaths between the words. The young company paled in an instant.

“What do you mean Hargrove ?” Steve asked, hearing his own voice shake.

Billy didn’t have the time to answer that Will’s radio turned on. Mike went straight to answer.

“We are here ! Do you copy ?” He said in the microphone.

“Get out of there now ! Drive north, you will be safe there, they are coming !” Hopper voice was serious. Than the signal went out. Mike was in trans, he hadn’t have even the time to reply.

In that moment Steve regained some mind clarity.

“We take my car ! Take some long last food, blankets and the first aid kit, I’ll take the fuel can in the back, we have no time !” He shouted.

They all gathered the needed things, Dustin took a pan too and Lucas the bed pillows. Mike took the radio and the toolbox. Billy helped with the food even if he didn’t know what they were doing. Steve ran towards his car with the nailed bat, Everyone followed him. The kids were in the back, Billy in the front seat and all the gathered things in everyplace they fitted. Steve hit the pedal and after a second they were spreading on the road. 

The kids turned all back to see, maybe for the last time that little house that had become so important for them in the last months. Steve looked at it too on the rear-view mirror. They were leaving Hawking, the city where he had lived till now, he had everything there, his whole life belonged to that unlucky bunch of houses. A tear slipped from his eye, but nobody saw it, most because some of his cuts were still bleeding. 

Nobody tried to say a word, even Dustin stayed quiet, but Steve could see that everyone was crying. They had just lost everything: family, friends, house, all their things, all was gone now. Steve drove for hours, without finding anybody on the road, till the weariness took over him. After the meeting with an angry Hargrove, a strange pain had grew into his head, like he had a very serious migraine. They were already far away from their city, when his vision started to blurry and he made a sliding with the car. Everybody screamed, luckily Billy took the steering before it was too late.

“Dammit Harrington ! Let me drive before you kill us all !” Billy’s voice was rasp and angry. Steve was so tired and nauseated, he had just the time to stop the car and climb out that he retched a few meters away from the car door. It was painful, his head felt like exploding. Billy just commented with a generic : disgusting.

He limped in the front seat, put his sore and swollen head on the cold window and immediately fell asleep.


	2. Don't let me sleep

At first they still prayed to come back home soon but when Billy turned on the radio in every station there was the same program or better a voice who was explaining that a military confine had been put all around Indiana and that the states were being evacuated in others countries. It seemed that the upside down had spread like a contagious illness.

They didn’t encounter anybody, it seemed that the whole America had been moved in just a few hours when they had tried to close the gate. Billy was afraid that they couldn’t pass the new frontier anymore, they were the last people in Indiana still alive. This meant that they had to arrive in a safe country like Alaska, too cold for the toothed flowers as Mike was sustaining. 

They never stopped once, Billy drove till the sun came up. They were far away from Hawking, but the fuel was finishing they just had the can that Steve had took from the house.   
After sometime Billy spotted a service area near the street, the one that provide you with a good breakfast and a full tank. He needed coffee and maybe a shift with Steve, who was still sleeping; also the kids, that were now full awake, were demanding for food and a quick stop to the restroom.

He parked, the place was isolated, there was just the street and these vast fields all around. He climbed out of the car stretching his back. The kids followed him. 

“Max ! Wake Steve up so that he can help us !” She just nodded and went to the front door.

The others were all looking for food in the little bar, as Billy expected there was nobody there so they could easily take everything they wanted. It wasn’t stealing anymore, they were just trying to survive. He was eating a slice of the only cake in the fridge when he heard Max scream. They all rushed outside.

Steve was laying motionless on the asphalt, his legs were still in the car like he had fallen from the car seat, his arms were spread like the one of a fallen doll.

“I don’t know what happened ! I just opened the door and he fell down… he is not waking up !” She cried.

Now in daylight, Billy could really see the real damage he had done to Steve face. He was a mess, dried blood, bruises, cuts, a broken nose and swollen meat was all he could see.   
The kids were horrified by the sight of Steve’s conditions. Billy kneeled beside the boy, to check on him. 

“He is breathing !” He announced and everybody breathed a sigh of relief. So he tried to shake the smaller boy a bit without causing more damage, but Steve didn’t responded. He seemed dead. Panic took over Billy : why wasn’t he waking up ? Had Billy punched him too hard ? How long he had been unconscious ? 

Billy turned gently Steve broken head, it was a big swelling on the back, probably where Billy had hit him with the plate and where Steve had hit the head on the floor while Billy punched him. There was dried blood too on the back hairs. 

“Give me the first aid kit, now !” He shouted still in panic.

Dustin had already brought it. Billy tried is best to disinfect the cuts and clean the mess he had done, but all he could do was bandaging tight Steve’s head. The boy didn’t stir a muscle in the whole process, and it made Billy worry even more. This was bad, it was a bad concussion. He tried to remember all the places where he had hit Steve. He lifted the grey pullover to reveal a big blue and purple bruise on his right ribs. He wasn’t sure if he had done it or something else, but it still looked painful.

At the end of the bandaging procedure, Billy lifted the unconscious boy and put him back in the car, in the same position as before just in the back. The kids helped him to put a pillow under his head and cover him with one of Mrs Byers wool blankets. 

They all restored quickly with the food and the water in the bar. Billy loaded some water cans in the trunk, he spotted some cans of soup and took them too. They kind of emptied the bar. Mike found a gun under the cash desk and gave it to Billy, if there were monsters out there, they will need something more than a nailed bat.

Billy was really tired and the street seemed to be easy and linear, so he asked Max to drive for some hours while he would have took a nap in the back. She accepted and Lucas went to seat in the front to keep her company. Dustin was looking to Steve intensely like he would have wake him up from a moment to another. Poor kid, Billy though, he didn’t know that Steve could not wake up if he had a concussion, which was an high probability. Billy shoot the thought out of his mind, yet he had to admit that a this serious concussion, without a proper care like the hospital, could just be that case. First they had to treat it as soon as possible not hours after, and second they shouldn’t have let him sleep. 

It was all Billy’s fault, the Californian boy thought. He fell asleep with the picture of Steve laying on the floor, like dead.


	3. I killed you

Steve didn’t woke up in the next three days. When Mike tried to mention the fact that he could be brain dead, everybody had shushed him. Dustin on the most was always crying. It was hard for the kid to admit that Steve could not wake up again. At the end of the day Max had exploded to Billy saying that it was all his fault and that Steve was probably dead because of Billy’s anger. The older boy found that days the hardest, he had to cope with a bunch of kids whose names were still a mystery for him, his sister was accusing him of murder (she had a point there, he had tried to kill Steve) and a same age boy who was in a coma. He wasn’t prepared for all that but he had to take control of the young company or it will be their death. 

They had drove north without stopping for another day, then they couldn’t sleep in the car anymore, they stopped just for the night and for supplies. It was hard to sleep in abandoned places in the beginning of the winter, it was freezing cold, but it was all they could do. They had listed precise thigs that needed to be avoided to be ate or attacked by demodogs :

-no music

-no light at night

-no heat

-no noises or screams too loud

-no fresh meat

-always someone that kept watching

Billy had tried to organise the party giving to each one a specific chore. The tasks were always easy but kept the kids distracted from their misfortune for some time. The real problem was Steve. Billy didn’t know anything about medicine, even if he had nursed his own wounds as long as he could remember, but a concussion this severe was hard to think about doing something. He had no clue how to make him better. He didn’t wanted anybody around the sick boy, only him had to help him. The kids didn’t need a broken person under their eyes too. 

Every day that passed Steve’s conditions only got worse. Now he had a fever that was eating him inside. Billy had even took some medicines, but the hardest part was giving them to him. Steve hadn’t drank or ate since the night of the Byers house, and this was just making things more difficult. Billy had tried to make him drink some water and to feed him a tomato soup, but it was futile. It was more the liquid that got out than the one that he actually shallowed. It pained Billy so much seeing Steve in that condition because he lost control over himself. All he wished for is those big doe eyes to open again. 

At some point Billy decided to bring Steve to sleep with him, he needed to feel that frail body and the slowly lifting of the chest. Steve was Billy’s responsibility. He looked after him the whole day and for the simplest tasks that he couldn’t do anymore like dressing himself, wash his face or eat. All this was Billy’s remorse. He was afraid that Steve would have died for the damage he had done to his brain. 

Days passed and the young company was trying to find a place to spend the night. Steve had been sick with an high fever for 5 days now and it was obvious that he needed to rest. They couldn’t simply sleep in the car or outside because they were all tired and it was raining hard. They were all tired and the kids seemed sick too. Travelling for so long in a little car in six with all their things wasn’t really comfortable. They found a small and old house outside a little village. The house seemed abandoned, in the kitchen there was a stove, and even if everybody was trembling for the cold they couldn’t warm the room or they could have been spotted by the demogorgons. They loved cold places but human not really, so it was easy to find them if they stayed in warm places for a plant.   
The young company moved all the mattresses in one room and slept all curled up together. It was the best they could do. 

Usually there was somebody looking out for signs of the upside down, but today it was impossible. They were all tired and sad. Nobody wanted to speak about the others left at Hawking, it was too painful.

Billy, that night, had difficulties to sleep (like in the last week) Steve was really bad, and he was afraid that he could have died soon if he didn’t get any better. He hadn’t talked about this to anybody. He was too afraid himself. The boy laying next to him was cold as ice, pale as snow, breathing slowly. Billy had noticed how light Steve had become, he was losing weight rapidly. 

Billy spent the night sleeping just for few hours and then getting up to check on Steve. He was pretty tired so at some point in the middle of the night he was falling asleep again when he felt a hand touch his.


	4. Stealing isn't a Sin anymore

When Steve woke up again he opened tiredly his eyes. He didn’t recognise the place, it was dark and cold like the upside down, but it didn’t have those roots and the air was good. He felt like shit, everything in his body was hurting especially his head and it seemed that ice had penetrated his body. He tried to turn his head, but it hurt like hell and felt so hard to do so. After some time he was face to face with a certain Billy fucking Hargrove. Steve now could remember what had happened so now where they were ?

He wanted to ask Billy even if the boy seemed tired too and wake him up could have made him angry, but when he tried to use his voice just didn’t came out. His mouth was dry and it hurt to do so, but he needed to know that the kids were fine and that nothing had happened to them. He shifted his hand up near his pillow where Billy’s hand was.

Moving his arm felt like holding a one hundred weight, everything was so heavy, even so he touched Billy, who immediately woke up like he wasn’t really sleeping. His eyes seemed surprised and joyful at the same time. 

“Steve ?” He said in a voice that Steve had never heard him use. He tried to call his name, instead he just started to cough. 

“You are awake ?! Wait don’t strain yourself !” Billy took a bottle of water and with a gentle touch he held Steve’s head up and made him drink some. It felt like drinking ice for Steve but it was a good kind of pain, at least he could whisper something now.

“….Where….?” 

“Doesn’t matter, we are safer now. Away from that place” Billy lied.

“…..Kids…..?” 

“They are ok, don’t worry about them ! You should instead about yourself !”

Steve didn’t understand why Billy said such a thing he had just slept for some hours and now they had stopped to sleep in better conditions. Billy seemed to read his face because he said :

“Steve, I don’t know how to say this…. You have been out for some time….”

“…..How……much……?”

“Eight days”

Steve was shocked. Billy was playing a prank on him, it was impossible. They had just left Hawking, he couldn’t have slept for eight whole days ! It was impossible, right ?

“It’s my fault. I……gave you a concussion and…..well it was pretty bad….I’m sorry it’s all my fault !”

What was Billy talking about ? He didn’t give him a concussion….he had just punched him on the face…... Oh ! Steve thought. Billy wasn’t joking with him, he was being honest.

“You cold ?” Billy asked suddenly making Steve realise that he was actually shaking like mad.

“…..yeah…..”

Billy pulled him closer and hugged the smaller boy with his strong arms. Steve didn’t expected such a thing and he became all red, but it felt good. His eyes started to close on their own, he was exhausted after all.

“No ! Don’t fall asleep !” 

“…..Why……?”

“What if you don’t wake up again ? I can’t take it any longer Steve ! The kids can’t !”

“…..I’m…..fine……just…..tired…..let……me……sleep…..”

Billy didn’t responded immediately, he seemed to value what to say.

“Promise me that you will wake up !”

Steve was surprised by this, but he was too tired to argue.

“…..Promise…..”

“Ok” 

With that Billy pulled him even closer against his hot body, welcoming his hurting head against his chest. It felt a bit embarrassing, but Steve needed some warm up.

Billy woke him up some hours later, he wasn’t feeling any better, actually he was feeling worse. Now that he was fully awake he could feel the fever and the migraine he had. He could have screamed for the pain in his mind, but the kids were there and he didn’t wanted to worry them more. Dustin had launched himself to hug Steve as soon as he had pulled himself up in a seating position.

“Steve ! We were so scared that Billy might have killed you…you didn’t woke up in eight days man !” He said.

Max was the next one to hug Steve, then Lukas and in the end Mike too. They were all crying hard. 

“I’m sorry guys, I’m ok now ! Nothing happened to me !” He held them close. They stayed like that for some time till Billy gave fake cough to interrupt the moment.

“Sorry to bring you down but we have to get going. We can’t stay here !”

He was right, they had to go north and reach a safe place soon. All the kids pulled away and started to gather all their things. Steve wanted to help them, but when he tried to get up he found that his legs weren’t sustaining his body. He had to bent on the wall, but his body was too weak and dizzy so he just fell down. 

Dustin and Max were already freaking out, but someone was faster than them :

“Steve ! Oi ? You ok ?” It was Billy, who was now helping Steve to seat up.

“Yeah I’m fine….I just slipped on…..something…..” Steve lied.

Billy seemed to read his mind, and put a hand on Steve burning forehead before the sick boy could stop him.

“Your fever is still pretty high, you should lay down”

“……I’m fine…..” Steve lied again.

“Yeah sure, just don’t move till we have gathered everything than I’ll help you up !”

Steve couldn’t even reply that Billy was already walking away from him. He was feeling like a little child, who have to be helped to do everything. It was frustrating. 

When they had too all their luggage, Billy pulled Steve up, he actually carried him into the car because he was too weak.

“Thanks !” Steve tried, but Billy didn’t replied. He went to the driver seat and turned on the engine.

“I think that we had put in the blue bag some bread and other food, so if we want to have breakfast in the car it’s all right !” Billy said to the kids, but in reality was hoping that Steve could eat something after so many days of just water.  
In fact Steve was feeling hungry, but at the same time the thought of eating made his stomach lurch. He didn’t reply. The kids started to devour the food they had found.

“Steve ! You need to eat too ! You must be famished !” That was Dustin always worrying about his "big brother". Steve had grown affection for that curly kid and didn’t wanted to let him down, so he took some bread.


	5. The new Car

It didn’t took a lot of time for the food to make a reappearance. Steve had just eat two slices of bread when he had felt nauseated. The feeling had grown till he couldn’t hold it down anymore. He had asked urgently to stop the car. Billy at first hadn’t understood why, but when he had seen the conditions Steve was in, he had hit the brakes. Steve had kind of climbed off the car and slouch on the asphalt with his arms and legs for a few meters, thanks to adrenaline, then he threw up.

He could hear the kids shocked voices and the car door opening, but he couldn’t hide from their eyes.

When he finally finished, Billy carefully pulled him up.

“You ok ?” Billy was handing him a bottle of water.

“Yeah….Thanks….”

“We can look for some kind of medicine or pills when we get in the next town. You look pretty bad.”

“I’m fine it’s just eating in the car…..” Steve knew that he had never ever had problems of this kind, but couldn’t bring himself to say that. Billy didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t say anything.

During the trip, the kids told Steve everything that had happened when he was out. They had spotted some demodogs in the first city after Hawking, than nothing anymore, just empty places. They told him how Mike had tried to explain how it all started with the help of Lucas and Dustin.

Steve wanted to asked if they had news about the others… about Will, Nancy, Joyce, Hopper, El, Jonathan; but he was too afraid that they couldn’t really give him an answer. He, himself didn’t wanted to think that something might have happened to them, maybe they hadn’t had enough time to escape. Maybe they were travelling north like they were or maybe they were fighting in Hawking like Steve already did.

The kids had tried to use the radio to communicate with them, multiples times, but there was nobody answering. 

They stopped in a little village, the afternoon to put fuel in the car and to take some food, clothes and blankets because every passing day was getting colder and colder and their clothes weren’t keeping the necessary warmth. 

They passed some hours “stealing” in the city hall, Billy was always look out for troubles, he had a gun. They went towards Steve’s car with all the gathered things. Steve noticed how small the vehicle was for them. They needed something bigger and maybe faster than his old BMW.

Steve was attached to his car, he had worked an entire summer to buy it even if it was old and used. He had put it back together with so many days of manual work, but in the end it had become his car. It was one of the few things that he had bought without his parents money. It belonged to Steve ! But now, it was different they needed a bigger car.

“We should take a bigger car !” He commented.

Billy seemed a bit shocked about his comment, but had to agree.

“And where do you think we can find a bigger car ?” Asked Lucas with enthusiasm in his eyes.

“I don’t know but in a bigger city there must be a place where they sell big cars…” 

“And how do we take it ?”

“How we took this !” Steve said showing the cookies packet they had just stole.

“Yeah ok, but we don’t have the keys, right ? So how do we drive the car ?” Steve didn’t know how to answer to that, he wasn’t a science genius. 

“We’ll find a way !” Billy answered for him.

They didn’t stopped for the night, Billy continued to drive till the sun came up. Steve had argued with him because he needed to rest too, but he didn’t wanted to let Steve drive because he was still sick. So Steve had tried to stay awake to keep him company, but he was really exhausted and after a few hours he had fell asleep like the kids. 

They arrived in a big city, that was the perfect place to steal a car. They drove on its deserted streets with the hope to find still someone, but there were signs of demogorgons.   
After some time they entered the commercial part of the town. There were all kinds of shops with the Christmas decoration still up. At the end of the street there was a place with every kind of car. 

As soon as they entered they could smell something rotting, but nobody commented on it. They tried different cars, but no one had all the right characteristics. Then Billy had spotted a new jeep. It was a jeep wagoneer. It was big, high, with a lot of space and the engine was probably really good too. That was perfect, they just needed the keys. Steve and Billy went to see where the office was, probably they had all the keys of the exposed cars in the same place. Unfortunately the horrible smell was coming from there. As soon as Billy opened the door the air became full of rotting meat smell. Now it was obvious that there was something or probably someone dead there. Someone that had had their same thought. As soon as Steve saw the decomposing body of the man he threw up. Billy was pale and on the verge to puke too. The corpse was right in front of a opened cupboard. It had probably been locked, but now it was open with some keys that had fallen down on the floor. They started to search for it. Steve was running low when finally he spotted one of the keys on the floor, it was certainly of their car. The tag gave him the assurance, so they run out of that room which smelled of death.

“You ok ?” Billy asked a bit uncertain himself.

“Kind of......You ?”

“I’ll survive !”

“We are not safe here ! We should go bac to the kids !”

They loaded the new car and drove out of that cursed town. The sky was grey and soon it started snowing. Neither Steve or Billy told the kids what they had found in that room. Billy was driving very fast, it was obvious that the new vehicle was perfect and stronger than Steve’s BMW.

Steve was in the back, from there he could see how interested seemed Lucas. He was watching with great passion how Billy was driving. It was pretty obvious that he would have loved to learn how to drive. Mike was on the front, looking out of the window in a depressed way. Steve thought : I have to speak with that boy, before it’s too late.


	6. Max

The snow had covered all. Everything was with and black, it was like to be in a sketch book of an artist. It was beautiful and deadly at the same time like a flower with teeth. 

Billy was acting strangely, he was avoiding Steve and all the others. It was a pain in the ass because every time they had to do something and needed his help, he was always rude and not really open. Steve didn’t understand why he was behaving like that, just a few days ago he had took care of him, and now he was being a dork. Max was becoming more and more nervous about his rudeness that one day she just blow up.

They were eating, the food was ok, but they didn’t have a lot of water. They needed to find a way to find or soon they would have been out.   
Max was giving a bottle to Lucas, but it slipped from her hand and the thing fell down and the precious water flowed out, probably because it was so cold that they had lost sensibility on their fingers.

“Fuck Sinclair ! You waste water now ? What the fuck is wrong with you ?” Billy shouted making all the kids and Steve jump up.

“He didn’t do anything ! Billy ! The bottle slipped from my hand ! I made it fall !!!” Max screamed.

“You are just protecting him ! Stay out of this Maxine ! And about you Sinclair, Stay away from her !!!”

At this point Max got up and throw the semi empty bottle to Billy who got himself wet.

“I hate you ! I hope you would die with the demogorgons !” She cried out of frustration. 

Billyy got up too at that point and was launching towards her with fire in his eyes, but Steve put himself between them.

“Billy ! Calm down ! Please ! You don’t want to do that, please trust me !”

Billy still advanced like a machine with his punches hard and ready to kill something or better someone. So Steve took his hands and tried to calm him down.

“Get out” He whispered to the kids. They went out without a word.

Billy shouted and shouted and punched Steve on the stomach, Steve just let him vent his anger, he knew that it was the only way. It took them fifteen good minutes to finally recompose their self. Billy had been out of himself, and when he looked at Steve, he started to cry. He had punched hard the other boy, but Steve had just kept hugging him. There was blood coming out of his nose and is lip was broken. When Steve could feel that Billy’s muscles weren’t tensed anymore, he let go the long hug. His ribs were aching bad, but Steve knew better : the pain that Billy was in was much more.

“I always ruin everything ! I want to protect her, but all I can do it’s hurt people” Billy sobbed like a little child.

“I know that you are hurting inside, I know also that you can be better than this. You are better than this !”

“I can’t, She would probably be better off me !”

“No ! She needs you ! Now more than ever ! She had lost everything Billy, you are the only thing that she still have ! Don’t take it away from her !”

Steve hugged again Billy with all the strength he had and this time Billy hugged back. They stayed like that for some time, till Dustin voice interrupted them.

“Steve !!!! Billy !!!” he sounded scared.

“What’s wrong Dustin ?” Steve asked with apprehension building up.

“Max ! She…. She ran away !!”

Both Steve and Billy paled in an instant. It was pretty late in the night in a little village and it was snowing again.

“We need to find her as soon as possible !” Steve shouted.

They went outside, luckily there were still some traces of her, but if it kept snowing like it no one would have been able to find where she went. They went all together, looking out for any sign. They screamed all night her name. After three hours nothing, it was like she had transformed in a snow flake and had flight away. It was becoming pretty cold and they were all tired and numb. They were going back again when Steve heard a distant sobbing. He ran as fast as he could. Under a canopy of an house, he found Max. 

She was trembling like a leaf and crying like a puppet. Steve took his own jacket and made her wear it. Then he carried her in the torment where the others were waiting for him. Billy took out his jacket too and let her wear it. They went back like that. At some point Max fell asleep.

She was all right, not even a fever. Billy went to sleep near her, but Steve known that he wouldn’t have closed one eye. They were all exhausted, Steve was feeling like shit, but didn’t say anything, he understood that they didn’t needed somebody sick in that moment.

In the morning he felt worse than before, it was like the cold had penetrated his bones and now wasn’t leaving him be. He was pretty sure to have a fever, but they had others problems now. 

All the kids were sleeping peacefully, so Steve tried to get up. It was hard because he had a strong migraine, but he made it to a chair.

He just wanted to go back to sleep when Billy got up too and went to seat next to him.

“Thanks for what you did yesterday, I own you”

“No worries” Steve cut short because even speaking was painful.

“Can I ask you a favour ?”

“Yeah”

“Can you teach me how to be liked by them ?” He pointed to the kids. The question was unexpected, strange from Billy Hargrove.

“I can try to give you advices”

“Ok….and…..”

“For example you should apologise to Lucas not just because of yesterday, but that night at the Byers house too”

“What should I say ? Every time I try to speak to him, I……I get blocked….”

“Well I think that Lucas really want to learn how to drive and every secret of the car, you could teach him…”

“You sure ?”

“Yep”

“What about Max ?”

“She needs time, she needs to see that you have changed. If you can make it up with Lucas, She will forgive you !”

Billy seemed happy about the advices, Steve on the other hand had to take his throbbing head between his hands. It was so painful like something was eating his nervous cells. 

“You ok ?” Billy voice seemed far faraway from him.


	7. The biscuits

Billy seemed happy about the advices, Steve on the other hand had to take his throbbing head between his hands. It was so painful like something was eating his nervous cells.

“You ok ?” Billy voice seemed far far away from him.  
It was a moment, he wasn’t in control of his own body anymore, it was like seeing from somebody else eyes. He fell down on the floor before Billy couldn’t catch him. He wasn’t moving, all he felt was pain, intense pain all through his head. It felt like is brain was compressing on the skull that was about to explode. He was deaf but not blind, he could see Billy freaking out in front of him even so he couldn’t hear what he was saying. He would have screamed for the malady.

The attack didn’t lasted long, maybe thirty seconds or one minute, for Steve it felt like hours. When it ended he was breathless and even more exhausted than before. Well at least the pain was gone and it had been replaced just with a normal headache.

“Oi ! Oi !! Steve !” Billy, kneeled, was trying to get him up, but it was obvious that he was afraid to touch him. Maybe he thought to hurt him more.

“....I….M….fin….” He said gasping.

“What the hell was that ? Are you hurt ?”

“...N...no….”

“Steve…you are not ok...what’s happening to you ?” Billy saw that Steve couldn’t tell himself too.

“Where does it hurt ?”

Steve looked at him with glassy eyes, like he hadn’t understood a word. Then he had just moved slowly his hand near his hair, pointing on the temple.

It was obvious, Billy thought, he was still suffering from the concussion. Even if more than two weeks had passed Steve was still recovering from the fight. Billy wanted to scream, he hadn’t meant to put him in these conditions. He had been just too afraid to go back home to his father without Max, that he had lost control over Lucas and Steve. 

He felt hot tears running on his cheeks, he couldn’t even remember when was the last time he cried in front of someone.

“....Bil….” Steve saw how in pain Billy was. He seemed so fragile like his harmor was crumbling in front of him. He didn’t liked to see somebody in such a pain, even if it was Hargrove. He wanted to consular him, but all he could do was put his hand on Billy’s thigh. 

They stayed like that for some minutes till Steve had enough energy to stand and Billy had calmed down. 

Steve didn’t wanted to talk with Billy about what had happened, so he just said :

“Soon it will be Christmas, we should try to do something for the kids…”

“Yeah, it would be nice to have something like a party after all this shit !” Billy admitted.

They started talking and planning, but it wasn’t long till Mike and Lucas woke up. They gathered all their thing and started over their ru for life. Billy had tried to speak gently with Max, by asking her how was she feeling, but she just kept ignoring him. She was super mad at him. Billy sighed all the time there was silence between them. Nobody wanted to talk. For Steve it was a relief because of his headache, but on the other hand it pained his heart.

They stopped in a supermarket to take water and food supplies. The place was untouched like nobody had tried to steal or take refuge. They helped themself with some shopping carts to be faster. Stopping like that wasa big risk : everybody was concentrated on the supplies and it would have been easy for the demogorgons to attack them. Also they would have been without weapons and too distracted to notice anything, but how could they survive without food ?

The car was loaded with all kinds of things, they were going out if the building when Steve noticed that Dustin was missing. 

“I go back to pick Dustin” He said while the others were trying to tuck in the remained places all sort of packages. 

Steve calle out for Dustin, but nobody was responding. Steve started to run in every lane of the supermarket. It couldn’t be happening ! He thought. 

He was about to cry when he spotted the little kid, he was looking at something on a shelf. Steve approached him slowly, the kid seemed in trans. He was looking intensively at a packet of biscuits, the one with chocolate chips. On the shelf there were tons of that kind of differents marks, but he had eyes for just those one. At first Steve would have scolded him for not answering and almost giving him an heart attack, but now he didn’t felt like it. 

“If you want it, just take it !” The kid startled at Steve voice.

“W...what ?” He seemed scared, well he wasn’t acting normal.

“I said that if you want of those, you can have it !” He said again, smiling.

Dustin didn’t returned the smile but just took some packages and followed Steve to the car.

Steve drove till it was pitch black, the kids had talked between them for all the afternoon eating some potatoes chips, but Dusting hadn’t said a word since the supermarked. Steve was becoming more and more worried about him. Something must have happened to him and the biscuits were the key. Unfortunately he hadn’t a clue of what could it be wrong with the kid, he just hoped to figure it out.


	8. Dustin

They stopped for the night in a big house. It had probably been of a rich family. The day had been long and everybody fell asleep as soon as they laid down. Steve, on the other hand was bothered again by his migraine. He could hear Billy snoring on the other side of the room, Mike muttering something about school and some homeworks he didn’t do in the dream, Max kicking under the blankets, Lucas complaining with someone saying that he was the dungeon master. It was kind of funny to hear how much noises they were doing while sleeping. 

Under all those rumors he thought to hear something else. It was hard to concentrate with a migraine, but after sometime he could definitely distinguish another voice. Somebody was sobbing in grief. 

Steve got up immediately : what if one of the kids was hurt ? What if somebody was sick ? 

His heart shattered when he saw that the one who was crying was Dustin. The kid was curled up and was holding tight a pachet, like it was a pet. 

Steve approached the poor boy and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Dustin, why are you crying ?”

The kid turned to Steve, his eyes were red, his cheeks wet from tears. He wasn’t sad, he was desperate.

“Do you want to go somewhere else and talk a bit ?” The kid just nodded. Steve gave him his jacket and the blanket too, it was pretty cold.

They walked out of the room, a gelid air welcomed the two, they sat on the floor in front of a window where they could see the bare tree of the garden, the intense blue sky and the shining moon. Black clouds were approaching from north, but nobody noticed it.

“So…..why are you crying ?” 

Dustin didn’t responded.

“You can tell me, I’m not here to judge you ! I’m here to help you !”

“You will think that I’m weak and stupid” 

“No, I won’t ! I promise you !”

After some time little Henderson decided to speak.

“I miss my mum” Steve didn’t know a lot of the Henderson family, Dustin father had left his mom for another woman when the kid had been three years old. He knew that they have had some money problems, but it had been all setted when Mrs Henderson had found a good job. 

Well Dustin life hadn’t been so easy even before the upside down. Steve had met Dustin mum too sometimes, she had seemed a very sweet and kind woman ! 

“It’s natural that you miss her…” Steve tried to say, but Dustin cut him off.

“I don’t miss her ! I’ve lost her forever !” He was crying more than before.

”She is dead Steve ! And I couldn’t do anything to save her ! She was all I had and now I’ve lost her too” His voice was pure grief.

“I won’t see her again ! I lost my only family, I lost my mom ! I have never thought that one day I would have been alone… If only I had told her about the upside down maybe….maybe she would have made it out alive ! No she would have made it out alive ! I’m so stupid ! I killed her !”

“Dustin ! Stop ! Don’t say those things ! You didn’t kill anybody ! You hear me ?” Steve had took the kid by the shoulders and had turned him to watch right in his eyes. Those scared eyes.

“You didn’t nothing wrong ! And I’m sure that she is still alive !” Steve said.

“What ? You...you sure ?” 

“Yeah ! One hundred per cent ! Hopper wouldn’t have let your mum die there ! He is a police officer, I’m sure he had put in safe all your parents !”

“For….for real you think that ?” Dustin shaking voice asked.

“Yes ! You don’t have to worry about her, she is fine !”

They hugged, Steve held close the sobbing kid letting him give vent to his pain.

“I’m scared Steve !” 

“Nothing will happen to you, I promise I won’t let anything touch you !”

When Dustin had calmed down, Steve saw that he was still holding the biscuits.

“What’s with that ?” He asked pointing towards the pachet.

“Oh ! My mum used to buy me those when I got good marks at school ! Their taste and smell remind me of her !” Steve now understood why the kid had fell in trans seeing those at the supermarket, and why he had spoke one word after. Dustin was such a good and lovely kid who really needed somebody to take care of him. He needed some love.

He put a hand on Dustin head messing up his hairs, but in a brotherly way. The kid came closer to Steve.

“Can I sleep with you this night ?” He said in a whisper that Steve had difficulties to hear him.

“Of course you can ! Every time you feel down just come to me ! You are not alone !”

Dustin finally smiled, Steve had long forgotten his migraine. They went to sleep together, Dustin curled up against Steve’s chest, while the other stayed up watching the little kid till he was too exhausted and fell asleep too.


	9. No Chains No Chance

The sun didn’t wake them up, Steve was (as usual since his incident) the first one to get up. It seemed like it was still night, everything was dark and so cold. He slowly got up, not after covering carefully not just Dustin but all the kids, well Billy too, who were still dreaming. 

The window of the previous night wasn’t showing any ray of light, it was strange because there was some kind of light outside. He went close to see better. 

It was Ice, or better snow that had become ice during the night. Steve went to the front door where they had entered the building the previous day. As soon as he opened it an unnatural amount of snow dropped inside and a cold wind with some snowflakes froze his hairs and nose. 

The city had been completely covered, it seemed to be in an advertising for Christmas. If it had been a school day, Steve would have been joyful, but now on his lips there was just a grimace. 

Their new car was barely visible. It was obvious that they were stuck there, how could they risk to drive on a frozen road ?

He run back in the room.

“Billy ! Billy ! Guys ! Wake up ! We have a big problem !!”

Billy sat up immediately with the gun in his hand, looking around like expecting a demogorgon to come out of the wall.

“What...what’s happening, Steve ?” Mike asked still in confusion for the sudden reveille. 

“We are blocked here ! It had snowed all night long and it’s impossible to drive !”

Everybody rushed outside, the freezing air made their face flush.

“Fuck !” That was Billy.

“What do we do now ?” Max asked in apprehension.

Nobody responded. They came all inside, then a desperate debate started. They needed to go north, but how ? It was hard to have enough space to have logic thoughts and voice, so when Lucas had an idea, he found himself shouting for make the others listen.

“I remember that there were the car chains and that liquid for not letting the fuel freeze in the last supermarket we have been yesterday ! We should go back and take it !” Observant child, Steve thought.

“We can’t go back it’s too far away ! It will too a day or maybe even more with the snow ! The streets aren't even clean, it's impossible to drive without the chains !” Billy said sad.

They stayed all silent after this, the pause gave Steve enough time to elaborate a plan.

“What if just one of us go back with an another car while the others stay here ?”

Before Billy could say anything, Dustin exclaimed :

“Steve ! It’s a brilliant idea ! It would be safer and faster too !”

“Yeah, but who will go ? And who will stay here ?” Mike interrupted.

They started to argue again, but this time Billy made himself clear :

“I will go ! You will stay here and prepare everything for when I’ll be back !”

This meant that Steve had to defend all the kids alone if some shit happened...and he knew pretty well that he wasn’t able, not in those conditions. What if he felt sick or dizzy ? What if he had an attack like the one Billy saw ? How could he have protected those four kids ?

“No ! I will go !” He said firmly. 

Everybody looked at him. Steve just ignored them and pulled the bigger male away.

“What are you doing ?” Billy was pissed.

“We need to talk !” Hargrove sighed.

“So…speak !”

“You can’t go back there !” Steve said firmly.

“Why !?!??”

“Billy ! Think ! I can’t protect the kids ! Not now….not with….” He didn’t need to finish the phrase.

“What do you mean ?”

“I’m saying that if you died or remained hurt, I...I couldn’t defend the kids…”

Billy was looking him with wide eyes. Hargrove wasn't sure about what they were speaking.

“It’s….this bad ?” He seemed in difficulty to find the words.

Steve just nodded.

He had hidden his problem since he had woke up. He often felt nauseated and he had threw up most of his meal using always the excuse of the bathroom. He had lost so much weight in so little time. The worst part of the post concussion disorder was the intense and permanent pain in the head, he could sleep, think, breath without having it constantly reminding the reality. 

He was pretty worried about it all, but what could he do ?

“Ok...you go. But you have to promise me that you will come back no matter what !”

“Yeah….I’ll manage….”


	10. The Demodog and the Deer

They set the plan. Steve would have used a little red car that had the car chains just on the front tires. Unfortunately the chains were too small for their jeep. He would have drove back, took all they needed and come back as soon as possible. 

It seemed easy, but it wasn’t. At least it had quite stopped to snow even if the sky was still covered by all those grey clouds.

Billy gave him a loaded gun, one of the founded on their trip.

Steve was ready, if you can be ready to die trying to save yourself and your family, he hugged everybody especially Dustin. The kids weren’t realising that it might have been the last time to see him. When it was the turn of Billy, Steve didn’t wanted to upset the other male, so he didn’t hug him. To his surprise, Billy pulled him closer his hot body and hugged him. He whispered in his ear :

“Don’t be late, pretty boy”

Steve blushed, but hadn’t the time to understand the new nickname. He climbed on the little car, Billy helped by Lucas had started with the wires for him. They had to break one of the windows so now inside there was that freezing wind, but it was the only solution.  
He waved off to them while he was departing. It would have been a long journey.

The outward trip went smut even if it was hard to drive with all that snow on a frozen street. He had risked to go astray many times, but now he had took the hand. It took him hours to finally arrive in the previous city, even if it had took half the time with the other car. It was long after four pm, he needed to be fast because he didn’t wanted to stay out in the night, alone, on a frozen street.

The supermarket was as they left it. Steve took every item for the car and since he was there, he loaded the little car with food and water, even some “gifts” for the kids considering that it would be Christmas soon. Even for Billy, the big boy had changed a lot in those weeks, Steve wanted to thank him for everything he was doing. Some can of good beer would be the best. 

He had just finished to load the red car when a noise catch his attention. He slowly turned just to see a big demodog five hundred meters away from him, which was sniffing the air. The monster seemed alone, not in a bunch. 

Steve could feel his heart starting to race against his chest. He was sure that he hadn’t been noticed by the creature, but he needed to go away from it as soon as possible. 

It was obvious that it was looking for them, probably he had followed their smell till there then he had lost the traces because of the sudden snow.

The monster started to move towards the supermarket. Steve couldn’ t took it to the kids, he had to stop it right there. It was a menace for their life and if it had been following them till there, what if there were others doing the same ?

Steve needed to act and soon, but he was paralyzed. When the monster was just two hundred meters away from him, he climbed in the car and went out with his nailed bat. 

The demodog had heard him and now was running towards Steve, but the boy was prepared, he had already killed those things before.

He pointed his feet on the ground, like Billy had told him so many times at basketball practice. When the thing was near enough, he swung his weapon as hard as he could on the snout, the monster fell down. Steve was ready to finish it off, but the thing was faster than he thought. It jumped or him, taking him down hard on the frozen floor. Steve was now trying to keep away those infinite teeth which were trying to eat him. The monster was using all his weight to crush Steve and finally win on him. Steve was panting hard both for the effort and the fear. He was slowly succumbing under those fangs, which were cutting his fingers and arms. 

In that moment he remembered about the gun Billy gave him. with all the force he could muster, he took with one hand the gun and fired right into the mouth of the creature. After three bullets, the thing went down.

Steve was left all bloody, he stayed laying down to calm down. He got up just a few minutes after. Now he could feel his blood run down his arms. The demodog had flayed his skin in deep even with the jacket on, that now was completely ruined.  
He thought that he needed to alert the gang as soon as possible, there were monsters following them !  
He climbed tiredly on the car and started to drive away. 

It was becoming dark and soon would have been night. Steve didn’t wanted to drive in the night, he would have needed to use the lights, and he was afraid that it could have drawn monsters to him. He started to push on the accelerator, well conscious that it was dangerous. 

After one hour it started to snow again. It was hard to see the road, everything was white and covered in snow. He had to stop for puking several times, his migraine was having some issues with him.

It was starting to get really cold, he was trembling and he wasn’t feeling his fingers anymore. The numb feeling was starting to get his head, he could feel the migraine screaming in the back of his skull. It was hard to keep the eyes open. 

Now it had evolved a really blizzard. He could spot the city where Billy and the kids were waiting for him, but just few neighborhoods before their house, a deer jumped right in front of the car. At first Steve thought that it was a demodog too, but when he distinguished it, he turned suddenly the steering wheel. 

It was a moment, the car was sliding across the road, he tried to do something, but the ice doesn’t forgive. The vehicle slammed into a wall, Steve hit his head hard. He didn’t lost consciousness, he couldn’t move, but could feel something hot leaking down his nose and forehead.  
I have to get out of this, Steve thought, but he was like frozen there. He wanted to cry out for help, but was too weak to even do that. Slowly the cold air felt more like an hot summer wind, his muscles were numb and not responding correctly. He felt like burning within minutes. Than he lost definitely consciousness.

 

Billy and the kids had stayed in alert for the whole day, Hargrove in particular was in deep anxiety. Steve had been out for twelve hours now and it had been like hell there. The kids were constantly asking him when he would have come back. But Billy wasn’t sure about it anymore. He felt like someone was crushing his heart. It was fear, the fear of losing Steve fucking Harrington. 

Something should have happened to Harrington, Billy thought, because it was too late. Hargrove had moved everybody in the living room of the house, they had put all the mattress on the floor near the big fireplace, when it had started to snow again he had lighted it. In fact just outside the house in the backyard they had found a woodshed ready to use. The fire was keeping a normal temperature, well it was still cold, but nothing compared to before.

Billy just hoped to see Steve again.


	11. They are following us

Dustin and Lucas had decided to look out for Steve from the third floor of the building thanks to a big window on the street. It was more an attic, but furnished like a playroom for adults. 

Dustin was agitated as ever, he had never thought that Steve could have not come back. He was like the big brother he never had, he couldn’t lose Steve ! 

It was Lucas who saw the lights of the car far away and alerted everybody :

“Guys ! I see the lights of the car ! Steve is back !!!” 

“What ? Where !?” Billy asked failing to hide his nervousness.

“Just a few blocks away and now…” They all heard a deaf sound, something like crashing. Sinclair turned back to the window, but it was all dark without any signs of Steve or the car.

“What happened ?!??” Shouted Billy.

“I don’t know, I don’t see the lights anymore !”

“Fuck !” Billy put on his jacket and ran out of the building. All the kids followed him.

The first thing he saw was the car, just five hundred meters from their house. The vehicle was with the front smashed against an house, but nothing was moving. Billy started to run, too afraid to know the truth. The kids were shouting, but their voices couldn’t reach him.

He opened the front door immediately, Steve was there, bloody, pale as a sheet. He unfastened the seat belt and pulled the other out. The first thing that he thought was : how fucking cold Steve was. 

In the backseat there were something like six bags full of things, the kids took everything out as Billy told them. 

In the middle time he laid Harrington on the snow. He was a mess of blood and pieces of glass. Billy kneeled down to hear him breathing, but to his surprise Steve opened weakly the eyes.

“Steve !” The boy seemed to want to say something, Billy got closer.  
“.....m…...so…...cold…..” It was a whisper, but clear.

The bigger boy took him under the legs and the armpits, then he started to run towards the building. Billy kept talking to Steve, always checking that he was still there. The other boy just blinked to let Billy knows that he was alive.

As soon as they entered the house, Billy laid Steve down. It was clear to him what he needed to do. 

“What do we do ?” Max asked paralysed. 

“Put some chunks of wood in the fireplace !”

Dustin had already bought the first aid kit, so that Billy could took out every splinter which were stuck in his flesh. There was a big one in his right leg, Billy was a bit afraid to pull it out, but he couldn’t have left it there. A lot of blood came out, but it stopped. It wasn’t an artery, Billy sighed in relief.

Max seeing all that blood asked :

“Is….is he going to be….okay ?”

Billy turned gently to her, he himself was scared, let alone those kids.

“Yeah, but he needs rest” He gave her a shy smile which she returned.

Steve wasn’t feeling anything, his frozen body was too numb to feel something. He just opened his eyes to see what they were doing to him.   
After every splinter had been pulled out, Billy bandaged the leg, Steve’s head and arms. Then Hargrove started to undress himself.

“What are you doing ?” Mike asked.

“His body temperature is too low…...” Billy was a bit embarrassed to being pratically naked in front of those kids, but now it didn’t matter anymore. He pulled out Steve’s clothes too, and dressed him with his own warm ones. Steve wasn’t trembling, and it wasn’t a good sign. Billy did the same with the trousers too, seeing how skinny Steve was compared to him. 

“Give me some blankets !”

Lucas took something like six covereds. 

“What will happen to him ?” Dustin asked.

“Nothing, he just need to get warm and rest. Why don’t you go to sleep ? It’s been a long da for everybody, I’ll take care of him.” He tried to smile, even if it felt unnatural. 

The kids were tired too, so they slowly went in their “beds”, if you can call a bed a mattress on a floor. At least the room was illuminated and warmer, thanks to the fire.  
Steve was half asleep, even if could feel that he needed to tell the others something important, but with his migraine wasn’t letting him think about anything.  
Billy laid down beside Steve.

“You ok ?” But this time Steve didn’t responded, his eyes were glassy and his breath slow. He was feverish. Billy gently pulled him closer, he was still pretty cold. 

“You there ?”

This time Steve moved a bit his head, then his eyes started to close, but Billy wouldn’t do the same error two times.

“No, please ! Don’t fall asleep !”

Steve looked at him like questioning : why ?

“The last time I left you like that, you didn’t wake up in eight days ! You will stay awake !”

Billy wasn’t sure that Steve could really understand him in those conditions.

Anyway he kept speaking with him the whole night. Yes, he was tired, but he feared more to lose Steve there, in his arms. 

At some point in the early morning, Steve had regained some composure, but he didn’t pulled away from Billy. 

“Billy !....... There…..there was…...a demodog……...back there !” his teeth clattered. 

“What ? And what happened ?”

“It’s….dead…..now, b-but it…….was looking out…..for us !”

Billy was shocked about the news.

“We..…..need…….to go…...away from……...from here…….b-before something else……..try to follow us !” Steve continued.

“It was alone ? Or there were others with it ?”

“I-I….. think it…...was alone, b-but…….I’m sure…..that it was…….se-searching for something !”

“Fuck ! And you killed it ?”

“Y-yeah”

“We will go away tomorrow, I’ll prepare everything !” 

Billy was about to get up, when he understood that he couldn’t have left Steve there on his own. He was hurt, sick, feverish, cold as ice, it wasn’t a good idea to leave him there. They needed to get out of there as soon as possible, but now Steve was more important than that. In fact he had killed that thing, and it had seemed that it had been alone, so they could spend some more time in their refuge. Even because outside there was a blizzard and it was impossible that those toothed flowers were going to find them.   
Billy stayed up all night chatting with Steve and trying to warm him up.


	12. The Run Away

Billy was exhausted, he had spent the whole night speaking with Steve, who probably was even more tired than him. At least he was sure that Harrington hadn’t a concussion. He needed to buy some time to prepare the car,but couldn’t let the sick boy alone. He woke Dustin up, to make the boy look after Steve, while he went out to put the chains on. The kid was happy to help, he was genuinely worried. 

The sky was clear, but there was at least twenty or maybe thirty centimeters of snow. It wasn’t a lot, but it was frozen, it seemed flour so cold it was. Well, they were still lucky that it was possible with the new car to drive. If they still owned Steve’s BMW, it would have been impossible to proceed on the road. He put the chains on, some of their things too. Then he went back inside and woke all the others. Steve was asleep, and even if everybody was making so many noises he didn’t even stir for a moment. 

Everybody was asking what was happening to Steve, what did he had and so on. But Billy didn’t had time, or better he didn’t knew himself.

It took them an entire hour to load everything, Billy took some chunks of wood. He didn’t know if they would have found something to burn for the next stop.  
When they were all ready he lifted an unconscious Steve up and carried him to the backseat with the thick blanket, Dustin following him with a pillow. He put Harrington on the right, so that he could have rested on the window, but also because it would have been easy to look at him with the rearview mirror. 

Obviously Dustin seated right next to Harrington, then Max and Mike. Lucas climbed on in the front seat, Billy thought that this one would have been a good occasion to speak with him and try to be forgaved.

The road was impossible to be seen, the asphalt was slippery as ever, but the car fortunately was keeping the right trak.

Billy glanced every minute at Steve, concern growing straight away. He couldn’t stop, they needed to get away from there and set a great distance between them and the monsters.   
Dustin often put his hand on Steve’s pearled forehead, it was obvious that he had an high fever he was white as the bandage, dried blood picking out in some points.   
Billy tried to distract himself speaking with Lucas, he tried to explain him how to put on the chains on the tires, how to drive on the snow, how to keep it steady when the asphalt it’s frozen, and so on. In reality his mind was always shifting on Steve. He had to admit that he was afraid that something serious could have happened to him. Myabe he was feeling something for Steve now that he went so close to lose him. 

At lunch time they finally stopped and stayed in the car, Billy was beyond tiredness, but he couldn’t let Max drive in those conditions even if the street was getting better. They ate cold food, because it was impossible to warm it up. Hargrove took a hour of sleep, he could eat even while driving, now he needed more to sleep.

They resumed the trip that went on till the sunset. Steve had regained consciousness in the late afternoon, but he was still a bit out, because of the fever or because of the obvious migraine. 

They stopped in a little village on a hill. The choice dropped on a little house with a fireplace ready at use. Max and Mike warmed some canned tomato soup. Even if no one had ever liked something like that, it was pleasing to eat something warm. Billy, Dustin and Lucas settled the beds for the night. Then they started to eat. Steve didn’t wanted to eat anything, his migraine was hard and he felt nauseated, but Billy forced him to have a cup of it anyway.   
It didn’t lasted long, the food made a reappearance with Steve trying to move away from their eyes. With his surprise his right leg gave out under his body weight not without pain. Luckily had enough energy not to throw up before getting out, thanks to the adrenaline. It was painful, but what was really killing him was the constant feeling of his head. It felt like he had a press on his temples. if he hadn’t had the mouth occupied, he would have screamed from the ache.

Billy and Dustin, as soon as Steve got up, rushed after him. Billy felt horrible, he was the one that had pushed Steve to eat.   
When Steve finally finished everybody was watching him in silence, he started to tremble for the effort it took him to walk away from them. Billy caught him before he fell down on his own vomit. 

“There is blood on his leg !” Mike said a bid disgusted.

Everyone looked down, there was a red stain which was expanding rapidly on Billy’s jeans that Steve was still wearing. 

“Fuck !” Billy swore, not because of the spot, because the wound had reopened. 

Steve was pretty coscient now instead of the previous time. He felt his cheeks redden when he had to take out the jeans to let Billy clean again the wound. Luckily for him the kids started to play a game and they didn’t paid attention to him, apart from Dustin and Max. 

Billy was silent and concentrated, but Steve knew that the lack of words from him could only mean that he was blaming himself. 

“Billy”

The other boy looked up a bit reluctantly.

“It’s not your fault, if it wasn’t for you I would have been dead !”

There was a moment of silence between them. 

“You shouldn’t say things that you don’t mean” that was a bit low for Steve, he didn’t wanted Billy to think that he was that kind of person.

“No ! I mean it ! I owe you my life, and it’s not to make things up ! I really appreciate your help !”

“You don’t hate me ?”

“God no ! Billy, I couldn’t have made it so far with the kids without you ! I was out for more than a week ! You really saved them, when I went in the tunnels to help El with these shitheads’s plan I couldn’t even put them all in safety in time. If something had happened back there i don’t know if they would have been all alive…”

It was strange to admit those things in front of Hargrove. Just some day before they hated each other so much and now they were more a family.

“The Kids told me what happened, but I’m sure that you protected them perfectly ! You helped them from the start ! So now let me help you”

That night Steve thought that for the first time in his life he ha a family, not his, a real one ! He didn’t had nightmares for the first time in months.

They spent the week driving the day and sleeping the night, it was hard because they had to wake up early and prepare the car than stay seated for an entire day, stopping just to put some fuel in the car. When the sun went down pull over for the night, took everything from the car, eat sleep and start again next morning.  
It was hard, Billy had accepted to make some switch with Max and sometime Lucas too, when the road was just straight, so that he could recover for some hours. Steve couldn’t drive with his leg out of use. Hell it was difficult for him just to walk. He really felt useless and like a weight. He couldn’t do anything alone at all, Dustin was always more than happy to help him, but it was frustrating and sad. The leg was hurting even when he was seated or lying down and his migraine hadn’t improved at all. He ha had another episode of his kind of losing consciousness during the night when he had got up to put some logs in the fireplace. He had been in a seating position so nothing had happened, but the fact that this kind of episodes were continuing to happen was scaring him. 

He didn’t say anything about it, to anyone. All he wanted was not messing with his new family, he was already a dead weight, he couldn’t let them know.


	13. We are Still Alive

They had passed Illinois and Wisconsin and now were in Minnesota. There was still snow, but a lot less, so driving was like normal.   
Billy’s plan was to pass the confine of Canada and arrive in Alaska. It seemed simple, but it was hard to find the right road with a map they never used. In fact Billy had never seen one before and after the towns near hawking it had been difficult for him to decide where to go, which road take and where to stay the night. More than once they had to turn back and take the other street, it was easy to get lost. 

Now that Steve couldn’t drive, he found himself unnecessary, pointless, worthless and futile. Yeah, he felt like shit. All he could do was taking care of the kids, like preparing something good instead of canned beans, try to cook something fresh even if it was impossible now to find fresh food still good, but most of the time he spent was on the roads maps. He arrived to use the whole day on them to find the shorter trip to make. With his persistent migraine it wasn’t pleasing at all, but if he didn’t do that, what else could he be good for ? 

At first he didn’t understand anything, but then the piece of paper had started to reveal it’s little secrets, like the little streets that passed in unknown villages or the places where they could have found fuel for the car. They didn’t liked to pass through big cities or on highways, because it was more likely to find the monsters where there had been so much food, well humans so monsters too. Instead they bet on little villages in the countryside. It was harder to find food and clothes, but it felt safer.   
They hadn’t found any traces of demogorgons or demodogs at all since Steve’s adventure. 

They finally arrived in a village near a lake, on a hill. The next day would have been Christmas and Billy and Steve decided to stop there for sometime. There was a big school, a pharmacy, a bakery and a little supermarket, but with everything that they could desire, it was more a luxury shop. After seeing many houses, the choice for the night dropped on a little house on top of the hill with a big garden confining with the wood. It had had two floors, with a fireplace in both, a kitchen with an old stove, so they could have cooked something better at least for Christmas. All the others buildings hadn’t had a fireplace at all, because they were all more modern, but the young company needed to find a warm place.

Steve watched how Billy and the kids were working hard to set all the needed things on the first floor.   
He was in the kitchen on a chair, trying to make some pasta. He had never cooked on a stove before, at home he had had to learn early how make something with pans and pots because his parents were always out of town or in Europe, and it was hard to live on peanut butter and bread. 

He still remember the first time they had went out for more than a week, he had eaten peanut butter and bread for fifthteen days, than the food had started to run out and he hadn’t thought to go buy more. The shopping was something his mother use to do, but she had never took him with her so he didn’t know what to do and where to go; he was only five. 

When his parents came finally back home, he had been on starvation for two days, he was so happy to have them back that let that fact escape his lips. His father, when he heard that Steve didn’t even thought to go and buy himself some food, had shouted and hit him. He had said that he was stupid and worthless. That had been even the first time his father had hit him. Not a pleasant memory at all….

The pasta turned out good, he used a jar of sauce of the little pantry in the house. I was pretty obvious that the people which used to live there had made those things themself. 

He wondered how would have been living there, he could imagine the family that lived there before. It was a close one and happy too. He let a smile escape his lips. 

“So where are we heading tomorrow ?” Asked Lucas.

Billy and Steve had agreed that they would have let the kids sleep till late while they prepared something for them. 

“Well we will go north as always, Steve had signed the rute on the map, till we follow it we won’t get lost !” Billy said with a cheering voice. 

“So…. we…. we are not stopping for Christmas ?” Asked Dustin with all the sadness he could put in the voice. 

“I’m sorry Dustin, but it’s too dangerous !” Billy answered.

All the kids seemed off and sad.

“Come on we will celebrate it later on ! Ok ?” Steve said messing with Dustin hairs. 

After dinner they played some board games of the house. the first was Monopoly. Billy had never played it and didn’t know anything, Steve ha played it once but he ended up teaming with Billy. The kids obviously allied with each other and they couldn’t even play. Soon they started to grow bored and changed with Scrabble. 

Steve felt stupid, he and Billy were losing to a bunch of kids, well they were nerds kids. This time Billy tried to stand up to Max, using all dirty words. Steve felt a bit embarrassed, Mike became red as a tomato, Dustin was asking Steve the meaning of some words which he never heard, Lucas was laughing along with Billy at his dirty mouth and Max in the end had to forfeit. 

That night they went to sleep on the first floor after having a good time. They had never laughed so much in their entire trip, and doing it since a long time felt good. They felt happy and alive.

Yeah, they were still alive.


	14. Christmas

Steve woke up while it was still dark outside, his leg was pounding and his head felt heavy. He hadn’t rested a lot that night. Well he was in anxiety because of the decision to stop for one day. It was true that they hadn’t found any trace at all on the trip, but he was still feeling uncomfortable.   
Even because if something happened he could not save the kids or protect them in his shape. He just hoped to let the kids have some fun and a normal day for once. 

The brunette slowly sat up and, after something that felt like an hour of dark and depressing thoughts, started to shake Billy’s shoulder to wake him.

“Billy, it’s time” He whispered.

“Mmm” Billy grounted.

He turned to look at Steve still sleepish.

“You look like shit”

“Thanks Billy, Happy Christmas to you too !” Steve said tiredly not really in the mood.

“Oh hell, you are right ! We need to start !” 

Hargrove got up and changed himself, than helped Steve up and descending the stairs. He practically carried him to one of the chairs of the kitchen. 

“Thank you” Steve said with a flushed face.

“No problem, are you losing weight ? You are getting lighter !”

“No, I think that you are getting stronger” They both laughed at that. It was impossible that just a few weeks ago they were “enemies”. Not that now it felt like being like best buddies, but Billy had lost the bully mask and was being himself more.

“So what’s the plan ?” Steve asked.

“Well yesterday we saw that little supermarket, so I will go get some good stuff ! You will wait here with the kids and prepare something since I don’t even know how to hold a pan !” Billy grinned leaning on the table.

“That’s not true ! But you ok with going out ? Alone….?”

“Of course I am, not that I have a choice…. You barely stand…..” 

Billy had hit a weak point of Steve. It was true he couldn’t do much for the group.

“Yeah….You probably should have left me behind for best” He whispered before realizing his own words, he didn’t wanted to say those thoughts out loud. He had felt that way since the night at the Byers house. He was just a weight for them.

Billy paled in an instant. 

“What did you say ?”

“N-nothing… just be careful”

“You think that the kids would have left you behind ? Really ?!??” He sighed taking his nose, like was having a suddenly headache. 

“Are you right in mind ??! How could you think something like that ?”

Steve stayed there utterly terrorised, he had never seen Billy flip out like that before.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you Harrington, you really think so low of us ? Of me ? You are the closest thing to a parent they have ! But I suppose that a rich spoiled kid like you doesn’t even think about it !” 

Billy turned towards the door.

“I thought you were better, guess I was wrong”

With that Billy went out with the gun and a big backpack. Steve was left there alone, in the darkness; hot tears streaming down his face. What Billy had said was true, but he couldn’t just change the way he was feeling about the whole situation. He had a silent breakdown there in the kitchen, everything felt even worse than before, physically and mentally. He would have prefered to be comforted, but if his parents hadn’t done that in years how could he pretend it from Hargrove. The boy felt stupid by realizing that he probably pretended it from Billy because he felt something towards him. But was it even possible ? Steve liking Hargrove ?

It took him ten good minutes to regain control over himself and start to get something done. 

It was hard to move around with just one good leg, he had to lean over something or he would have fallen. His head was making everything moving and every movement was like a dizzy spell. 

He set the wood on fire in the stove and the fireplace and started to warm up some eggo’s in a pan, the kids were always famished, both because there wasn’t so much food and when they travelled it was difficult to eat a proper meal. 

He decided to never talk about his thoughts and feelings with Billy anymore, and promised to himself that he would have never let this weight on the kids.   
He should just go straight and keep working with himself, or better hiding himself behind a smile. Like he had learned a long time ago.

Limping Steve went out to take the presents which were still in the car, he took out the package of the good beer he had took for Billy. The brunette stayed immobile in the cold looking intensively at the cans like they could speak to him. Then sighing he went back inside. Yeah he was feeling like shit, but it was normal for him to feel like that at Christmas. He had passed the holydays, and not just them, alone since he was eleven. 

He prepared the table, waiting for Billy to come back. His migraine was really destroying his brain, even if in that moment it felt good to feel some pain. It kept him company and reminded him what a piece of shit he was. At some point he rested his forehead on the table.

Billy came back after two hours, as soon as he entered Steve jumped up from the chair. He could tell that the other had probably fallen asleep and was now in pain because of the sudden move. Steve on the other hand barely hold in a scream.

“You all right ?”

“Yeah….fine” Big lie !

Billy took out of the bag : a giant ham, cans of peas and beans, white and yellow cheddar, wustels, bacon, popcorns, chips, canned pineapples and peaches, chocolate, cookies, dry fruit, peanuts and nuts and a lot more stuff. He let Steve cook everything while tried to wrap up the kids presents with some pretty paper and hang up some plastic decoration they found in the house.

“What are these ?” 

Steve turned to look at what was he talking about. He was holding the beer cans.

“Well…. those are-” He was cut off by Dustin and Lucas screams of joy and surprise.

“WOW ! Oh my God ! You made us a Christmas party !?!”

“Ohhh there are so many things ! I need to eat them right now !! I’m starving !” 

Just after them Max and Mike followed with the same reactions. 

Billy put on some music with the radio of the house, not loud even if they were breaking one of the rules they had made when the world went all shit. But that day nobody cared about anything, it was Christmas and they were in an isolated unknown village in the middle of nowhere.   
With the kids the atmosphere was completely different, there were laughs, confusion, happy songs singed all together : that was a real family atmosphere. It was good, Steve thought, to have them there to cheer him up even if the chaos was hurting his head. 

After the immense lunch they had, it was time for the presents. Billy even pulled out four Santa Claus’s hats for the kids. They were all excited. The young four tore apart the shining paper of the gifts. Max and Dustin both got an handheld cassette deck, with cassettes too, Lucas a big book about cars and the engine in particular. For Mike Billy asked him to close his eyes, and when he reopened them found in front of himself a new radio. 

“Well we all know how important is for you to achieve communicating with El, but the radio that we took that night, it’s not going to work since there is not electricity anymore, so we took a new one that maybe could be more useful….” Steve explained.

All the kids were happy, but most of all Mike that practically jumped towards Steve and Billy to hug them.   
They moved the table and with the music started to dance, well the kids and Billy, Steve was just seated in a corner watching them have fun. Even if he had a smile on, he was dying a bit inside. It’s incredible how lonely and blue you can actually be in a room full of happy people. That could have been their last day.   
His leg was burning, but he kept on smiling and just put one hand on the knee rubbing it to distract himself from the ache; well he had moved around a lot that morning.  
After the fifth song Billy gave up and went to seat some kind near Steve. 

“They are really happy ! Good choice of presents” He said not looking at Harrington. 

“What are those cans ?” He asked again in a serious tone.

“I thought that you might like them, I took them when I found the presents for the kids”

“So it’s a kind of a present ?”

“It’s more a way to say thank you for everything”

They stayed silent for sometime, then Billy spoke again :

“Does it hurts ?” 

“What ?” 

“Your leg”

“No…..” Second big lie ! They stayed in silence for some minutes watching the kids have fun.

“I have something for you too” Billy stood up and went out of the door. When he came back he was holding a pair of crutches. 

Steve was confused, he had thought that Billy didn’t cared like this about him. Wasn’t he angry ?

“I found them in the pharmacy and…...here” He took out of one pocket an orange bottle full of white pills and handed it to Steve. 

The smaller boy didn’t know what to say, he was a bit shocked that Billy had thought about this. It was like he knew, but it was impossible Steve didn’t let escape anything...

“Thanks….. Ehm….. How did you know…..”

“I figured it out” Billy finally looked at him.

The blonde started getting up again to walk away from Steve but he didn’t have finished. He took Billy’s hand to stop him.

“Billy…. I’m sorry for this morning, it’s just that I feel frustrated about myself and I just want to be more useful for them and for you too, but all I do is an entire disaster. I can’t blame you for hating me because I hate myself too and…..” He didn’t know what to said anymore.

Luckily for him the kids were too occupied with the music to listen to him.


	15. The Two of Us

Flashback

Billy had thought about Steve all the morning, the boy was a big mess. He was always so insecure and anxious about the kids. When that morning he had said those things, Billy couldn’t do anything apart feeling angry. How could he think so low of them ? Of the kids ? He couldn’t understand why Steve felt that way. He had done everything he could to help him, yeah it wasn’t a lot but still something.

He felt the anger built up again, he screamed and kicked two empty cans on the street. The blonde had never felt like this towards a person. Steve had become somewhat important to him, he didn’t understand why but his heart had never ached like this since his mother’s death. 

He had grew worried about Steve bad habit not to tell when he wasn’t ok. Billy had had a light sleep since his mother had died. He needed to be always in alert because of his father. Too often the man had come back home half drunk and had hit Billy till he was more bruise than child.   
After the upside down came up into this world, his senses had increased. He always woke up everytime Steve did. At first he had thought that he was just having problems sleeping, but after one night he had watched Steve had another episode, it all changed. The brunette was sick, pretty sick and Billy had no clue how to help him.   
He was worried even because Steve seemed to hide his problems, he never told him about the faintings and the fact that he thrown up too often to be normal. He was getting weaker everyday. 

Billy had tried to approach Steve and to give him occasions for confessing his real health condition, but he never did. Now Hargrove was out of bullets, he didn’t know what to do to make Steve stop lying and start to open up with him. He had just finished filling all the bags with the food when he remembered about the pharmacy. He went straight there.   
It took him time to find exactly what he was looking for, but he went back knowing that maybe he did have another bullet to shoot. 

End of Flashback

Steve took Billy’s hand to stop him.

“Billy…. I’m sorry for this morning, it’s just that I feel frustrated about myself and I just want to be more useful for them and for you too, but all I do is an entire disaster. I can’t blame you for hating me because I hate myself too and…..” He didn’t know what to said anymore.

Luckily for him the kids were too occupied with the music to listen to him.  
Billy seated back again.

“I don’t hate you, I just want you to talk with me about your problems ! I know I have been a dork with you at school, but I was just being stupid and all. Now I’m the…..the real me and you don’t have to be afraid of me anymore. I’m here like you are for those kids.”

“I’m sorry, I should have known…. It’s just that it seem impossible that just some weeks ago we were at school and now we are here with four kids and …. well It’s a lot Billy, and I admire you for your strength, I’m not strong as you !”

“That’s not true ! You are strong, just in others things…. I lose patience too easily, you are pretty calm and thoughtful. Remember when I had that big argue with Max ? You helped me and now everything is better. So please Steve try to trust m…...us” 

“You are right, I…..I guess I’m afraid about telling you because I fear that you will leave me one day like my parents did…..”

“I don’t know your parents, but I... we are not like them ! I would never left you behind !”

They both smiled at that. Then something happened Billy leaned towards Steve, they never been so close. Steve looked up and well… the mistletoe was there, so he leaned forward too. They kissed, it was long and passionate. They were still kissing when the noises from the kids had stopped suddenly.   
Steve pulled away completely red and embarrassed. Billy looked away from the kids with an hand on his neck and walked silently away. Max had a malicious smile on her lips, Dustin’s mouth was hanging open, Lucas had two wide eyes like Steve had grown two heads, Mike probably hadn’t seen the scene so he was asking the others what had happened with confusion reading all over his face. 

“So…..What do you want to do now ?” Steve asked to change their thoughts. 

“Mmmm….I don’t know….but I’d love to have a bath !” Max admitted. 

She had a point there, since their runaway they had just washed themself as they could with cold water not doing something like a shower or even a bath. 

“Well, I’d like that too, but we can’t warm up the water !” Steve said.

“Yes ! We can !” Lucas seemed to had an idea.

“What do you mean ?”

“We have a fireplace and a tub, so we can put some rocks in the fire and then put them in the tub with water so it will warm up ! It’s possible I read this thing on a manual how to survive or something like that !”

“You think that this will work ?” Asked Billy.

“Yeah, absolutely !”

The house had a quite big bathroom with a bathtub, Billy went out to take some smooth rocks and put them in the fireplace. Steve filled the bathtub with water, witch was pretty cold. Then when the rocks were ready, Billy took them out and transported them in a big pot in the bathroom. 

“Don’t put too many of these, because if it get too hot we can’t bathe” Warned Lucas.

“This method is also used to make boiling water !”

They waited some minutes then Billy put his hand in.

“It’s warm !” He said both cheerfully and surprised.

“I told you !” Lucas was smiling wide.

“Good Job Sinclair !” Billy patted the kid on the head.

Max was the first one, she went alone because she was the only girl, then Dustin with Mike and Lucas. The kids too their sweet time, but they really needed it !

“It seems like a sauna !!!” Shouted Dustin. 

Steve was helping Max dry her hair and Billy was putting new stones into the fireplace. 

“Ok Max you are done, but try to stay near the fireplace, we don’t want you with a cold !”

“Thanks Steve !! So when did you two started ?” She said with the same mishevel smile.

“What do you mean ?”

“Well you and my brother of course !” She grinned.

“What ?!??”

Luckily for them the boys came out of the bathroom.

“We have finished, so if you want to take a bath it’s now free !” Mike said.

“Pay attention to the floor because the vapor make it slippery !” Dustin added.

“Thanks, but now try to dry your hair with these towels and stay near the fireplace !” Steve handed them others towels and clean clothes while Billy brought new hot stones in the other room. 

“Come on we’ll go together !” The blonde grabbed him by the shoulder and carried him in the bathroom. 

He could hear the comments of Max at Billy’s sudden move. 

“Can you stand or should I take a chair ?”

“Well….” Steve was pretty exhausted, but he didn’t wanted to worry Billy.

“I’ll take a chair !” 

Steve seated there trying to undress himself, Billy was already with just the underwear. The brunette was struggling to take his jeans off, bending the leg was painful and the fabric against the wound even worse.

“You need help ?”

“If you could pull the pant leg….”

Billy was really helpful and it surprised Steve of how delicate he could be. 

“You should take the bandages off, I can wrap the new one after you are done…”

“Thanks !” 

Billy smiled and leaned to Steve to kiss him again. Then he took off Steve upper clothes. He became a bit sad seeing how slim he had turned.

They put some new rocks in the bathtub and Billy helped Steve in. 

The water was warm and it felt good after so much time, but the wound stirred like it would have opened again. 

Billy sensed how rigid Steve went.

“You ok ?”

“Yeah, it’s just the hot water on the wound, but it’s ok”

When Steve had done Billy helped him out and drying himself. 

“Don’t catch a cold !” He copied Steve.

“Very funny because I’m the one with the towels on while you are still naked !”

“I thought you wanted to see my beautiful body !” Billy grinned.

“You are so stupid !” Steve admitted.

“But I’m your stupid !”

Steve just shook his head laughing along with Billy.


	16. Mike

The weeks after Christmas went as before they stopped. Driving the whole day and stopping just for the night. The snow had slowed them down pretty much, but they were now approaching Canada. 

Steve had studied all the differents streets they could take. It was hard to decide because they needed to reach Alaska as fast as possible, but it would took too much time doing by the secondary roads, maybe even months and it would have been too late. Also the winter was a big problem, Alaska was in the northern part of America and they would have difficulties to find food and supplies, the fuel too. Snow and blizzards scared them. The earliest they arrived the best it would have been. 

He talked about this even to Billy, he was afraid of the responsibilities. The faster way was using the bigger roads near big cities. But this would have meant running a bigger risk.   
In the end they decided to take the faster trip, snow and ice was scaring them and it felt like the best option.  
One day Mike tried, with Billy’s and steve’s help to reach El or Hopper with the radio. There were rasping sounds at first then, after hours, it settled on the right station. Everyone was breathless.

“Hey, is anyone there ? Do you copy ?” Mike asked with a shaking voice.

Nobody responded. 

“Here is Mike, Mike Wheeler, do you copy ?” 

It was silent. They waited for five, ten, fifteen minutes. Then one per one leaved the radio and started to do other things. Only Mike and Steve stayed there. Mike for the radio, Steve for Mike. The brunette was worried about the kid. He was in love with El, and Steve knew how hard it is to stay away from the loved person. 

“Mike, I’m sorry. Maybe they weren’t listening or probably they don’t have a radio…”

“No, El...s-she answered me even without a radio ! She answered me !”

“Maybe she needs some more time. We can try tomorrow too, you will see ! We will find them !”

“You just say it because you don’t care about El, you don’t even know her ! You don’t give a fuck about her, Will, or the others. Even when you stayed with my sister you didn’t give a fuck about me or Nancy, you just wanted to fuck with her ! That’s why you left her ! You never give a shit about anyone !” It hurts Steve hearing those words, he still hated him.

Now everybody was watching them without words.

“You are right Mike, I was a perfect idiot, but I never thought about you or your sister that way, I just want to help you and I want to reach them as much as you do.” He didn’t needed to specify the way Nancy had literally broke his heart, so he got up and went to the others.

That evening nobody spoked, the tension could have been cut by a knife. 

Dustin and Max curled up with Steve, they were all feeling grief and sadness and Steve was the only figure who could have consoled them a bit, make them feel protected.   
Steve on the other hand couldn’t close an eye. He was feeling stressed and exhausted, too exhausted to doze off. Bile slowly rising in his throat, at some point he couldn’t take it in anymore, so got up and went out. Puking was now the normality for him. His throat had started to burn before Christmas and every time he swallowed it stinged. 

“Fuck !” He admitted. He really was fucked up and the words that Mike had said had ripped him in deep. Sighing he went back inside, sitting on the bare floor He had feared to be a monster for so many years that now he was certain of it. 

He was immerse in his own thought when the room suddenly felt cooler. His blood ran cold. 

“Billy ! Billy ! Guys wake up !!” He screamed on top of his lungs reaching for the nailed bat.

Billy jumped up taking the guns as if he wasn’t really sleeping. Then the kids too.

“They are coming !! Come on we need to get out of here ! They found us !” 

The kids were disoriented and starting to panic. They put on shoes and jackets and rushed out to the car. 

“Quick ! Quick ! Quick !!” Shouted Billy while he helped the kids climb on. 

Steve was the penultimate, behind him Mike. Steve turned to let Mike get on the car safely before him, but there was nobody. His heart dropped.

“Mike !!! Mike ! Where are you ?” Steve shouted.

“Mike !!!” All the others followed. 

Demodogs appeared at the end of the street and started to run towards the car. In that moment Steve was paralyzed, Billy and the kids were shouting for him to climb in the vehicle, but he knowed what he was going to do. He turned back, smiled sadly at the kids and Billy :

“Love you, stay safe” Then he ran back inside.

The kids all screamed, Billy cursed and started the engine just in time to not be bitten by the demodogs. The monsters started to race behind the vehicle. A tear streamed down his cheeks and in that moment he promised himself that he would have found Steve and Mike before it was too late.

Mike was nowhere to be seen, Steve called for him, his knuckles were white for the pressure on the bat. His leg slightly aching, it had healed but Steve hadn’t really tested it yet.   
He went in every room, the temperature had dropped, he was shivering both for fear and cold.  
He heard loud rumors in the farthest room like something had break down, then a scream caught his attention. When he reached it, he stopped. The floor had crashed down, there was a big hole which wa showing a tunnel like the one of the night at the Byers house. At the bottom of it Mike was half covered in those horribles upside down weeds. The kid was holding the radio with all his strength. 

“Mike !!!”

“S-Steve !?” Those black eyes looked at him with fright.

The brunette jumped down, not without protests from his leg. Immediately he started to cut with the bat the unnatural ropes which were keeping the kid down.

“Are you ok ?”

“M-my ankle….it hurts”

His ankle was already swollen, it was sure that in that condition he couldn’t walk. Steve needed to be fast, the monsters were on their tail and now that Billy was gone it won’t took much time for them to come back to find and eat them. 

“Can you climb on my back ?”

“I-I think...but the radio ?” He was crying.

“Mike we need to get in a safe place, I can’t carry you and the radio”

“Then leave me here, I need this radio !”

“Mike ! El will reach us ! You need to understand the situation, we can take another one !” 

“No I don’t want to leave it here !”

“Mike please ! If you die here what she will do ? Please leave it here”

Sobbing Mike climbed on Steve’s back and the bigger boy slowly climbed out of the hole, not without effort.

He started to run towards the back of the building were there was an another exit. He ran with all the energy his legs could muster. He don’t know where he was going or for how long he kept running, it felt like few minutes but probably had been more like thirty or fourty. He opened a little house and closed the door behind him. He climbed the stairs and layed down Mike who had passed out. He put a blanket on the kid then collapsed by his side, breathing hard. He didn’t close his eyes, he needed to stay awake if something had happened.   
The night felt long and when his mind wasn’t cringing with pain because of the migraine, his thoughts drifted on Billy and the others. Were they all right ? Where did they go ? How would they go back together ? 

The morning came and Steve was beyond exhaustion, but Mike’s ankle was bloated and blueish. He let Mike climb on him, this time the kid felt heavier than before. Steve hardly got up with all that weight, his body protesting.

“I’m thirsty” Mike said.

“I didn’t found water, neither food” He really had searched quitely when he stood on his own, but the house was empty. All the pipes had frozen during the night so no sink was helpful. 

“We will find something” He said to encourage, but he wasn’t too sure himself how long they could have survived.


	17. Clever Kid Lucas !

Billy was devastated, seeing Steve smiling like it would have been the last time they had seen each other had ripped the heart out of him. All the kids were crying, sobbing, despairing; in an instant they had been separated. At first the demodogs had tried to catch the car, but it was too fast even for them, so they had turned back running.  
Billy was feeling fear, real fear like the one he felt when he had seen the car of Steve smashed on a wall, like when Steve had fallen down the chair while they were speaking about Max, Lucas and the big mess Billy had done. He had just fell in love with him and already the brunette was slipping out of his hands. Billy felt as powerless as he never felt before. It was hard to continue to drive with all those thoughts. 

When it felt safely enough he pulled in a little road, they spent the night in a big yellow house. They had lost a lot of things that they couldn’t save, most blankets and clothes. 

“Billy ?” That was Max, she had walked silently behind him.

“What it is ? Are you hurt ?”

“No...it’s…..I wanted to ask you if….I could sleep with you tonight ?” Her voice was trembling.

In that moment Billy realized how worn out and scared really were the kids. Dustin was shaking, Lucas was looking into the nothingness and Max was still crying. He felt bad for how superficial he had been, he thought at what Steve would have done. He could have at least spoke with them in the car, try to comfort them.

“I’m sorry ! Tonight you will all stay near me. You will sleep between me, ok ?” 

The kids slowly walked and curled up against the blonde. 

“Everything will be fine, I know that Steve is with Mike and they are ok. Tomorrow we will look out for them”

“Nothing happened to them ?” Asked Dustin still sobbing.

“I’m sure of it !” Billy smiled and messed with the kid’s hairs like Steve always did.

“They are going to be ok ?”

“Of course ! You don’t need to worry !”

“How will we find them ?”

“Well….we will go back and search for them, I promise you that we will find them !”

They stayed all in silence, then Max spoke again.

“I’m scared, Billy !” 

“I’m here, I won’t go anywhere, ok ? If you don’t feel ok or you are afraid just tell me. Everything will be fine !”

The kids fell asleep, Billy stayed up all night holding the kids to himself. He thought about Steve and the condition he was in before everything happened. He had heard the brunette throwing up and had seen him cry because of Mike’s words. He was really worried about him.  
The separation had really broke the group, everybody was down, and now they couldn’t move ahead with the trip. They didn’t have much time already and now it was impossible to say even if they could come back together. 

For the first time in years, Billy prayed. He never really believed in God or in some kind of a superior entity, but now more than ever he needed it. He needed to believe, to hope, to hold into the thought of seeing Steve again. It felt like he would have given his life for Steve and Mike’s safety.  
When he was a child, his mother used to bring him to church, she really believed. He had learned the prays from her, they used to pray even together, but not in earshot of his father. He disliked every kind of religion. One night after his mother death, he had been crying and had started to pray, he didn’t heard his father coming, but he would never forget how bad he hit him. He had woke up all bloody on the floor, since that time he had never prayed again.  
Steve resembled his mother a lot, not physically but with his behaviour. 

He spent the remaining hours thinking about a plan to find Mike and Steve. The better thing he could think of was make some kind of sound or something visible from distance so that the others could have located them. 

In the morning he explained his idea the the three kids. Dustin wasn’t speaking, Max only nodded looking into the space, Lucas at first was mute, but then he started to talk. 

“We could shoot something like a smoke bomb in the air, so that they can see it and locate us” The little boy explained. Clever kid ! Billy thought.

“Yeah that’s an idea, but where do we found it ?”

“Well we could try in that shop of bricolage down the road, maybe we find something”

“What about a gun ? We already have it and they could hear it and find us ! In fact we don’t have much time, every second that pass they could be eaten, they are out there… still in danger” Dustin said.

“Yeah, but maybe they won’t hear it… we need something more visible”

“Ok, so let’s move, we don’t have time !”

They took the car and went straight to the shop, Billy broke the window and after twenty exhausting minutes Max finally found a set of red smoke grenade.  
The city was completely different: weeds from the upside down had grown on the streets and around some houses and cars, It was desolated, grey and scary. They never felt so afraid. Probably there was monsters all going around trying to find their preys. 

“What if it’s too late ?”

“It’s not too late I’m sure they are all right ! Steve and Mike are strong and we will find them !”

“I don’t want to see them dead…” 

“Dustin please !!” 

“I’m sorry it’s just that… those monsters…. they are so many and Steve… he was wounded… he couldn’t walk very fast…. what if…..”

“Dustin stop ! Please ! We will find them !”

The atmosphere was dense and dark. Billy couldn’t imagine how he would have react seeing Mike’s or Steve’s body. Probably he would have freaked out like mad, but he really didn’t wanted to let his subconscious took the latest strength of his hopes.  
After some time, luckily without seeing any demodogs, they arrived in the same street they had been the night before. There were some roots of the upside down poking out of the manholes of the road. The underworld was spreading fast to find them. 

The brutal memories were still fresh, Dustin was silently crying and Max tried to hide her tears. 

“I will shoot it in the air while you will stay in the car looking out for any kind of movement, ok ? If you see something or hear a noise, please tell me straight away !”

Billy felt his blood ran cold, he was sweating like he had been in the middle of a basketball practice. He climbed on top of the car feeling nervous as ever.

“Here we are… Steve please be ok !” He prayed.

He shoot the thing in the air, the red smoke rose in the sky, it was the same color as blood. Billy knew that it would have took time for Steve and Mike to come. They surely had left that place as soon as possible, but he still hoped that they would have been around those buildings, maybe looking up.

When the first smoke bomb faded he shoot the second and so on for twenty good minutes. He could feel the tears streaming down, he didn’t even tried to wipe them off. The kids were silent, but probably they were crying too.  
He was about to shoot the ninth when he heard something pretty distant. It seemed impossible, but it was there : someone was shouting far away. 

“Billy !! There is someone shouting out there !” Dustin said with half voice. 

“Yeah I can hear it”

“It seem like Mike !” Shouted Lucas.

Billy didn’t waste time, climbed in the car and hit the accelerator towards the voice. The minutes seemed hours, but finally they found the place. 

Mike was kneeled on Steve reverse body, scared as ever, on the verge of crying. 

Billy pulled the car on the side and rushed out with the other kids. The moment he saw Steve, his heart stopped.


	18. I just see Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> In the chapter there are some scenes with blood and a description of a wound. Nothing serious but if you think you can't stand it, please don't read.

Flashback

Mike was half awake and half asleep, Steve had found some biscuits in another house. They were both tired, cold, scared, hoping that Billy would have found them soon.   
Their plan was going back where they had escaped the day before. Well it was dangerous because there were monsters walking all around the city, but still it was the best option they could think of. It was hard to remember the right streets, where to turn. Steve had ran off without thinking where he was going, all he had done was getting away from that hell. 

Now he really didn’t know where to go and how far that place was. Mike didn’t remember the whole trip because he had passed out at some point. If some demodogs spotted them it would have been the end, Mike couldn’t run and Steve wasn’t sure if he had enough energy to beat one up, let alone an entire group. They did many variation just to avoid a fatal encounter and stay safer, but like that they prolonged the way back, suching time and energy.  
Steve had to stop every few minutes not just to decide where to go but also to catch his breath. He was sweating cold and felt numb, the previous day had been the adrenaline to carry Mike. 

Obviously his migraine started to pound on the skull, it was difficult to stay up right and to decide his movements. As time passed he started to feel even worse, but always tried not to let it show to the kid.

Mike was silent and looking out for danger, he was holding Steve’s nailed bat because the older boy hardly carried Mike with two hands.   
They had been walking for two entire hours and probably they weren’t so far from the house of the previous night.

“Let’s stop...for a bit” Steve said breathless. 

He let Mike climb off his back and helped him sitting down, then he let himself fell, his legs giving out.   
The headache was starting to get unbearable, he wanted to scream, to tear off his head. 

“You ok ?” He tried to speak without throwing up. He needed to distract himself from his ache.

“Apart from my ankle, I’m fine, instead you seem ready to puke !”

“Good to hear !” 

Ten minutes passed then something painted the sky red.

“Steve look ! It’s Billy !”

Steve slowly raised his heavy head. 

“There ! It’s probably a smoke bomb, we are safe !”

Steve saw how far away the smoke seemed, he didn’t know if he could make it with Mike on, Hell, he didn’t know if he could stand up again !

“Com’on we need to go back there ! They are waiting for us !”

Every time the smoke faded in the air, another one appeared, like it was watching on them from above.

Steve didn’t know how could he still stand up and carry Mike for others 300 meters, but when they were close he just collapsed. It was like the time it had happened with Billy, he couldn’t hear Mike shouting for him to get up, but he could see how frightened the kid seemed. His whole head in pain, so hard this time that he would have screamed on top of his lungs if only he had control over his voice. 

Pain; who knows it will comprehend how bad you want to get rid of it and how desperate you are, so much that you would make to yourself something as painful just to make the first one disappear. 

His body felt hot and cold, numb and ready to run at the same time. The episode lasted more than 2 minutes, but it felt like years for Steve. Then it didn’t disappeared it just decreased slowly, letting him regain power of his body, but it was all too soon. Now Steve really shouted scaring the kid even more, who started to scream himself. He was in so much pain that he tried to reach his nailed bat to hurt himself to save him from the unbearable suffering. He was still weak so he couldn’t really get up,when he finally touched the bat on the head, he gripped his hold letting the nails pierce his left hand. Blood and flesh erupting out from the perforations.   
Mike was shocked, immobile staring at Steve. Then the brunette felt a big hand on his shoulder.

End of Flashback

Billy was about to shoot the ninth smoke bomb, when he heard something pretty distant. It seemed impossible, but it was there : someone was shouting far away. 

“Billy !! There is someone shouting out there !” Dustin said with half voice. 

“Yeah I can hear it”

“It seem like Mike !” Shouted Lucas.

Billy didn’t waste time, climbed in the car and hit the accelerator towards the voice. The minutes seemed hours, but finally they found the place.   
Mike was kneeled on Steve reverse body, scared as ever, on the verge of crying. 

Billy pulled the car on the side and rushed out with the other kids. The moment he saw Steve, his heart stopped.   
The boy was shaking and breathing irregularly, what was the scariest part was that he was gripping on his bat on the part with the nails. The spikes had perforated the skin and the flesh, and were now visible on the other side of the hand. It was like Steve wanted to hurt himself.

“Steve !! Stop ! What are you doi- ?” He stopped once he turned the brunette so that he could see his face.

Steve was in pain, in great distress, immediately Billy thought about the migraine and the attacks he had had. This one must have been really harsh if Steve had hurt himself. The boy had blood on his mouth and nose still coming out, clenched teeth, tears leaking down on the asphalt. His brain unfocused if not on the pain. 

“Steve !” Billy called out for him, but he was slowly drifting into unconsciousness. So the blonde carefully removed the nailed bat from Steve’s grip. More blood came out and Billy felt like puking at the sight of that hand. It was messed up pretty badly, he could see some bones too. It was shocking.

Billy looked at Mike, who was utterly frightened.

“Mike, you ok ? Can you hear me ?”

He just nodded, then the others arrived. Dustin and Lucas helped Mike walk towards the car. Billy lifted up an unconscious Steve and laid him in the front seat. The didn’t had time to waste there, what if the demogorgons found them ? Billy couldn’t think about anything, the pryority was getting out of the big town as soon as possible and find a safe place.

They finally found a motel on the road near a fuel station. Even if the rooms didn’t have enough beds they moved others mattresses to stay all together. Steve was still unconscious, pale and sweating like he was having an high fever. Billy tended to both Mike’s ankle and Steve’s hand. Mike was explaining what had happened the night before, how he had sprained his ankle, how they had ran away and how they had saw the smoking bombs in the sky. 

He didn’t say anything about Steve, even if all the kids were demanding an explanation. 

They went to sleep early, but Billy needed a word with Mike. He waited till everybody was asleep, he could hear Mike normal breathing so that he was sure that the kid was awake. 

“Let’s go outside” He whispered in his hear. 

The air was cold and Billy couldn’t stop himself from wishing to have a smoke or being in Cali.

“So… what happened when we found you ?” He asked while covering the kid with a big blanket. 

Mike sighed.

“I don’t know… it all happened so fast !....He seemed tired because he had carried me all the way up, when we saw the smoke we had just stopped, he carried me for some other meters, but then he….he just collapsed. It was like he was in so much pain but I couldn’t see anything like a wound or something… He was there immobile, looking at me like he was d-dying…. Then he started to scream so hard and he… he took the bat and… and he… I’ve never thought… I think he… he has PCS...”

Billy looked at Mike in the eyes.

“I known since he didn’t woke up after the Byers house he had post-concussion syndrome, but I never realized it was this serious, I didn’t know how bad was the damage… I thought that it was just something for sometime, you know ? But I was wrong ! As time pass he became worse. There is no cure.” He paused. 

“You know, if Max hadn’t stopped me when I hit him that night probably I would have killed him...” He sobbed.

“If I think about it now, I…” He couldn’t finish the phrase.

Mike put an hand on his harm.

“Don’t think about it… now you are different, we need you to be strong because with Steve in those conditions… we can count only on you from now on !”

Billy looked at Mike, now he could see why the kids had named him their “leader”.


	19. He Made Me a Monster

The next morning Steve woke up, it was still dark outside. His body was cold and aching, his head pounding, his hand was on fire like he had crashed it. He didn’t remember how he ended up there, then the memories hit him. He pushed himself up afraid that something might had happened. The movement made him cringe.

A big warm hand pushed him gently back.

“Don’t move, you better stay down for a bit” 

Billy’s voice was soft, Steve let his body relax. 

“I’m happy to see you !” The brunette said.

“I’m relieved to see that you and Mike made it out alive. Do you remember what happened ?”

Steve thought about their escape and the radio, and that he had had another episode… in front of Mike.

“Yeah”

“You will agree with me that it isn’t normal ?”

“Yeah”

“Steve… You need to take it easy because… I don’t want to see you like that ever again… If you had had enough strength… You could have...” Billy couldn’t say : “Killed yourself”. 

“Yeah, I know, but I didn’t, ok ? Don’t worry like that, don’t need to be”

“Don’t need ? Are you serious ? Steve, how can I make you understand that I care about you and seeing you like this, hurt me more than anything ?” 

Steve looked towards the blonde, he was really worried. 

“I’m sorry… It’s just that I don’t know what to do… Do the kids know ?”

“No, just Mike because he saw you, the others were even too scary to ask him about you. He… well me too, we think that you have post-concussion syndrome.”

“Yeah I know because I already had it”

“What ?”

“Well before you and Max came in Hawkings, me and Jonathan got into a fight and well it turned out that he was a pretty good “boxer” and well I got hit in the head, I had something a lot lighter but like this. Just a little headache and nausea... When I started to have this shit, I thought that it would have weared off in a few days. How stupid of me ! It passed a month and it only got worse.”

Billy was a bit taken aback to hear all those things, most because Steve never complained about anything and now he was saying that it he hadn’t felt any better since then. 

“Promise me something, if you feel like you will have an attack soon, please tell ! I can’t do much for you, but I can help you and stop you if you want to hurt yourself like that.” 

“I promise you”

Billy kissed him, it felt like the other boy had needed and waited for that since they had been separated. 

“Now rest, it’s still early”

When they all woke up, Steve found out that he couldn’t really stand on his own, he felt so worn out. The kids were all happy to see him, Dustin hugged him so hard that he barely breathed. They were all speaking together so loudly that his migraine was rapidly coming back. Luckily for him, Billy noticed and calmed the kids.   
They went back on the secondary roads even if they knew the demodogs would have probably followed the car, but there was no time and the trip was still long. 

They drove no stop. Billy just wanted to arrive in Alaska as soon as possible.   
When they arrive at the boundary, found a grey building which probably had been the custom. The road was barred with a barrier of cement and barbed wire.   
The blonde tried to move out of the way all the heavy blocks, but he couldn’t. To his surprise he found out that he had lost muscle mass and wasn’t as strong as before. Maybe if Steve hadn’t lost basically everything and wasn’t so weak and sick they would have moved it. The kids tried to help too but the work was out of their leagues. After many tentatives it was clear that the only way for escaping was finding an another road or even try to use the car not on asphalt.

There weren’t streets without a barrier or some kind of stop. Everybody was growing nervous, more time passed less were the probabilities to get out alive. They knew that the monsters from the previous city were chasing them. At some point Billy suddenly said while they were still discussing on what to do:

“Hold on tight !”

He turned the wheel and in an instant they were out of the street. It was a bit risky because the car started to tremble, Dustin, Max and Lucas let out a scream. Billy was amused about their behaviour so he started to laugh maniacally, making the kids worry and shout even more. After forty good minutes, by passing on fields, half woods, white streets and private properties, they someway made it into Canada.

“Did this have damaged the car ?” Asked Lucas

“Nah, don’t worry about that” Said Billy still cheerful.

Canada was wide, but the streets were more cleaned from automobile and every kind of vehicles, it was obvious that the evacuation plan had been different and better organised in that country. Well America have had just a few hours, at maximum a day, so people let panic took over and it was clear that there had been many problems of coordination. Many had lost their lives, in an horrendous way, eaten by monsters. 

Seeing Billy getting so dark unexpectedly, let Steve said:

“What are you thinking, Billy ?”

The blonde didn’t expected the question, he stared at the other boy.

“Don’t know if we should stop for the night somewhere”

“You are obviously tired, maybe I could… drive for some hours”

“No Steve, we have already spoke about this… it’s better for everybody if you just rest”

“Yeah, but you should stop… you can’t go on like this ! I can see that you haven’t slept in a long time just to be ready if we were attacked, and I believe that you stayed awake even these two past nights ! You are exhausted...”

“I know”

“And you can’t even make Max drive, she is tired too”

“Lucas know how to drive too”

“He is just a kid Billy, you can’t let him drive alone, we need to stop !” Steve said in the most gentle way he could.

“Listen nobody said that I needed to stop now, ok ? Now get off me” Billy splitted.

The kids listened to the conversation, looking sadly at each other. 

“You just go to sleep and than tomorrow we will change for a few hours.”

“But, you need to rest, you will collapse if you continue like this !” His voice was pure apprehension. 

“Shut up !” Billy screamed. “I know what I can handle, this is nothing, I’m not weak ! So now do me a favour and shut the fuck up !” He literally snapped in front of Steve and the kids, looking at the brunette with murderous eyes.

Steve just held his hurt hand, closer to himself.

“Yeah you are right, you are not weak as me, you can protect the kids better than me. Sorry” He turned to face the window. 

Billy was still blind from his anger and missed the tear leaking down the other boy hollow cheeks. 

The kids silently let themself slip into a dreamless sleep; at least they were all together in a warm place.

The blonde was getting sleepy, this was the third night he didn’t catch any rest. When his life was normal, he would have stayed up five nights one after another, but now the cards had changed. Even if he would have denied it a thousand times, he could feel that something wasn’t as before. He was really tired, not just mentally but physically too. It wasn’t the kind of fatigue he felt when basket training was over or when he worked out at home the whole sunday. No, this feeling was something that hadn’t weared off since long. He could feel his muscled slowly retiring from his arms, legs and his chest. He hated it, he hated the whole situation they were in. 

At two AM he had calmed down, and he started to think about Steve and their discussion. He could hear the other boy shallow breath, his silhouette looked so dark and frail. Billy realized that he had reacted like his father used to. 

He hated his father, he was a monster that had abused his son so much to make him become one too. To his surprise he felt hot tears slide down and start to wet his hoodie. Both from tiredness and the feeling of failure, he let them run. 

At three and half AM, he wasn’t focused on the road anymore. He couldn’t took out of his mind the voice of Steve saying that he wasn’t good enough, strong enough to protect the kids. But Billy knew that it wasn’t the truth, Steve was the one who was always there to hear you when you needed it, he was the one they went to when feeling low, homesick, hurt, alone. He was strong, just not in the physical way. And the blonde knew that he needed that strength himself, he needed Steve. Billy’s mind was a mess, it was a dark place, where he didn’t wanted to go too deep alone, but with those doe eyes he felt like an another person. A better one, he felt like when he was still little and his mother was still alive.

Billy was still thinking about those thoughts when he felt the car slide. The asphalt was frozen hard. His vision blurred and the wheel didn’t respond at his hands. He needed to regain control of the vehicle, but all of a sudden he felt so tired. He unconsciously closed his eyes. 

“BILLY !!” Someone screamed.

Then others voices shouted too, then he felt a firm grip on the steering wheel. His vision wasn’t setting back to normal, but he could sense that the car had stopped turning and was probably still.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not posting as often as I would, but living is complicated and I can't always find the needed time.  
> Comments and likes are really appreciated, but they are not a necessity ! But if you find mistakes or something turns up, please let me know so that I can fix it !  
> Thanks for everything !


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